I went out and partied for the last time in a while tonight. I'm not so sure how I feel about it. I'd go in to details about all what I did... I feel almost a bit paranoid to for some reason (and trust me, I'm the most wide open person you'd ever meet). Isn't that crazy? With all the anonimity the internet provides me...
Tomorrow, I go to get my new jewelery. Why don't I feel so enthusiastic about it as I was just a short while ago? Not even all the drugs I'm on, forcing me to feel physically orgasmic, can't help ease the mental shit I'm currently dragging through.
Maybe I need a cigarette. I'm lighting up a Newport as I type this. I'm a fan of nicotine. I'm not one of those smokers who wishes they could quit, because I could, if I really wanted to. I rarely smoke at the same alarming rate as a lot of other smokers. I do it socially, of course, but I also do it privately to help me out with things.
A cigarette, relieves so much stress for me. Depending on what mood I'm in, I might smoke it more deeply, absorbing more of the effects I seek when thinking about how great a cigarette would be. Usually, I'm not priviledged enough to have a cigarette on hand, for whatever reason... but I can always get one through chance and coincidence (if I really try).
Whatever damage I may be causing my lungs, heart, and so-forth I feel are almost negligible for how long I actually plan on being alive for... I could die tomorrow for all I know! I just wish they (cigarettes) weren't so expensive. Sometimes I settle for lesser brands of Menthol.
Where I live, you can only buy class A cigarettes. You can buy 20 class A menthol cigarettes (305's, to be specific, named after the area code of Miami, FL, not too far from me) for $1.80 a pack, or, 3 for $5. Which is a play on the name, but also a great deal. They just aren't anywhere near as flavorful and enjoyable as some of the name brands though... like Newports. Lucky I have this one burning as I type ;)
I think writing this has helped me ease a lot of my mental pain at the moment. My anxiety and worries are slowly lifting from me, fading in to the air like the smoke from my cigarette.
Is that good writing? I don't know what is. Hopefully somebody enjoys reading this. Even if they don't, I definitely enjoy writing it.
Here is a re-typing of the letter I got, scheduling my appointment tomorrow
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Sheriff Jim Coats
Pinellas County Sheriff's Office
"Leading The Way For A Safer Pinellas"
February 12, 2008
(My name and address)
NOTIFICATION OF REPORT DATE
ELECTRONIC MONITORING
Please note that you are scheduled to report Tuesday, February 26th, 2008 by 9:30 AM, to the Sheriff's Administration Support Building, 14500-49th Street North, Clearwater, FL to begin your required sentence on the Electronic Monitoring Program. The first day of processing will take approximately (2-3) hours. Please arrange your schedule accordingly.
Upon arrival, please key in the number 10 to acces the building.
Please call our office upon reciept of this letter at (727) 453-7517 or (727) 453-7922
Sincerely,
JIM COATS, Sheriff
Pinellas County Florida
Harietta Pinckney
Alternative Sentencing Unit, Supervisor
Detention and Correction Bureau
JC/HP:sk
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They sure do say "please" a lot...
I'll try and update this blog some time tomorrow, detailing how the trip went, and then the rest of the day. It might take me a few days to get some more pictures up, I'll try and work on that as soon as possible (probably have to go buy a new digital camera).
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